iPhoney Reviews

Wow. So all of the iPhone Reviews are in and they're all positive.

Color me startled.

I mean, Apple gives only a select few reviewers an iPhone, and they all apparently love it. I can't believe this.

Oh, what's that? Take a closer look at who they all are? Ok.

My my, They're all Apple Polishers. What a surprise.

Yes everyone, Don't believe these reviews. Every single one of these tech reviewers has been an asskiss of Jobs at one time or another. Does it surprise you in the slightest that when Apple gives them a status symbol, one that they can waive around at their friends making them all jealous, that they'd gush their hearts all over Steve. Just you wait, REAL reviews are on the way, not these iPhoney ones. (Sometimes I amaze even myself with my cleverness.)

Leo has promised to lend me his review iPhone, that he got yesterday, on Friday. (Don't believe him if he tells you differently TWaT Gestapo, he has one.) This is good, because I have a trip at 9:30AM from LA to Berlin for a speaking engagement. Yes, unfortunately this means I won't be able to join you in the egging of the fools standing outside AT&T stores. A look on the bright side reveals that it has been nice and hot all across the US, so your eggs should be nice and rotten by now, if not hard boiled, so you can at least get them nice and good for me in my stead. At least this trip means I will be able to get to the bottom of the iPhone in the airport and on the flight there.

So faithful Dvorakians, please give me at least until Saturday, maybe Sunday, and I will have my candid review of the iPoop finished. It will probably be on dvorak.org/blog but my editor there has been getting pickier about my Apple stories. I get the feeling Jobs is paying him off, so it may end up here. Stay tuned to this and dvorak.org/blog, a true review will be forthcoming from me. Just hold out on the Reality Distortion Field for that long, and I can beam my reality Dis-is-suckin' Field at you to counteract it.

Eggheads.

Thanks go out to Skott Born.

Skott, One of my fellow TWaTters, just helped us out.

On Skott's crApple Phone show blog he's shown us how to easily find an AT&T store using Google (Spying on the) Earth.

Get your eggs out of the fridge and spoiling folks, we're nearly a week away.

I expect all my Devorakians to make sure that these fools not only have metaphorical egg on their faces by buying Steve Job's turd, but I expect all my Devorakians to make sure they have real (smelly) egg on their faces when they leave the stores.

Hopefully I can get my editor over at dvorak.org/blog to at least let me mention my call to arms over there. After all, we will need all the help we can get, because apparently there's a lot of suckers born every minute.